Vanity Fair

Its so frustrating when after fighting fights much bigger than myself and taking on ridiculous challenges and coming out as the victor at 37 years of age I am struggling with body image issues particularly because of my expanding waist line. It just plain disgusts me.

I didn’t have weight issues except for a couple of years between age 10 and 12. Other than that even after two kids (given a generous post-pregnancy time to reclaim my body) I was at an envious weight. And then entrepreneurship hit hard and somewhere along the way the stress that comes naturally with growing a business, working a job, raising kids, looking after the home kinda started getting to me. So more and more time in front of the screen eating whatever the hell I could get my hands on and less time outside enjoying things like the weather or a walk or a hang out with friends.

No, I am not feeling sorry for myself. And I don’t want you to feel sorry for me either. I am just mad at myself. Look at all super successful people. They handle all above I mentioned and yet they stay super fit. I see men and women my age, younger, older, doing way more than me and somehow they keep things together and find the time to exercise and eat healthy.


Have tried all kinds of fad diets from the 13 Day Military Diet – I lost 10 lbs in 13 days – and gained it back in 10 days. Tried going on this diet where I had to drink this really yummy chocolate flavored powdered drink twice a day as a meal supplement. That didn’t last v long. Have even tried doing it the right way with an hour-long HIIT and clean-eating with calorie count for 3 months and looked and felt GREAT but then came vacation time and I stuffed my face with carbs and sugar.


Now all this is making me depressed. I don’t like it. Not so much out of vanity though that’s a reason as well, but more because I am nearing forty and at this rate I will be a whale at 41 and will develop multiple diseases.

Truth is, I LOVE MY WORK. If I had the choice I would do nothing but work on all these cool projects all the time. But I also realize it’s bad for my mental and physical health. Entrepreneurship is cool and it’s OK to be passionate but you need to draw the line somewhere and find time for yourself. And I am struggling to do that.

Can someone help me with the stress, the eating, and the sedentary lifestyle, please?

OK Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Walk in the Park

Amazing what a little quiet time can do for a person. No, seriously. I mean I have been crazy busy past few months and when I am not busy it still feels like I am busy. do you know that feeling? Like you should be doing something but you aren’t and you are just sitting there staring at a screen or posting stupid social media updates waiting for you to recall what it is. Because you just can’t believe you are actually free.

Last weekend I took some time out and went out for a walk. At 4:30 PM in the blistering Lahore afternoon. i thought I wouldn’t last 10 minutes. But I actually stayed out for almost an hour and only came inside the house because my bratty kids wouldn’t stop calling for xyz. But that hour cleared up my mind like anything. For the first time in ages I was thinking clearly. The ideas I had been trying to work on for so long but that just appeared too complicated suddenly started to seem doable. Whoa! It was awesome.

Bottom line – MUST.TAKE.OUT.TIME.TO.EXERCISE. If not to lose some of that bulge around the waist from sitting and eating all day long then just to think clearly.


Make “Some Day” Today!

A couple of days back my kids were having a rare friendly moment in the backseat of the car. As I sat in front my mind suddenly zoomed in on their laughter closing out the usual thoughts. In that moment I realized just how blessed I was. In that tiny little world inside our car everything was perfect. And ever since that day I have been counting blessings that I tend to take for granted or never really think much about. It’s like a bulb inside me went on putting a spotlight on things that really mattered … things like family, health, friends, life, sunshine, rain, a place to call home. Just thought I’d share it with you folks. We spend so much time chasing after dreams we forget to enjoy what we have in that moment. I am not discouraging any one from wanting more – that’s perfectly fine. I want more.I need more. And I won’t stop until I have put myself to tests everyone including myself believe to be impossible ‘coz what’s the fine in life otherwise, right? Just saying don’t ignore the now and here while preparing for your next adventure.

So much time is wasted in thinking about “some day”.

Some day I will paint my door yellow.
Some day I will hitchhike my way through Europe.
Some day I will write a book.
Some day I will start a new company.

‘Some day’ may or may not come. But what is certain is today. Have you stopped and thought of what you did today?

Today I called my parents.
Today I started a new book that had been sitting on the shelf for so long.
Today I kept my temper under control.
Today I spent time playing Pictionary with the kids.

All that you did and experienced today was a ‘some day’ once upon a time. Sit down, relax, breathe, take it all in and enjoy the moment.

OK byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

New Business Ideas – Seeking Validation

I have realized I am in the wrong business. No one wants a social entrepreneur. Especially not an honest one. But I want dwell and elaborate on that. But I have identified a few other businesses that I’d like to start. I have exclusive copyrights to them so if you steal you will get into trouble.

1. Open a tattoo parlor. Yes, you heard it right. Did you know a tiny tattoo costs like Rs 25,000 ($250)? Now being from the tribal areas, I know a thing or two about those. or at least I should. It ought to be in my genes since about 90% of women I know and about 50% of men too, have had tattoos done on their foreheads, chins, thumbs, wrists, and dunno where else. Tribes in South Waziristan agency which is where I belong to find tattoos very attractive so everyone has them. They take a clean sewing needle and start poking your skin with it in the desired shape. When blood starts coming out they dip the needle in a mixture of coal and water and continue poking you until that coal lodges in your blood stream forever. Then they let you go and after a few days when you have come out of that traumatic experience all in the name of beauty and the swelling goes down you have a pwetty green bruise in a shape of your choice!! And anyone can do it. I had little cousins, not yet teenagers, doing it to each other. So yeah I could bring some relatives from Waziristan and we could set up the parlor.

2. Start trade business. Yeah so today I went to this famous bazaar in Lahore called Duppatta Galli (the scarf street) in Liberty Market. It was to look for something specific a friend in Karachi wanted. While there I took pictures of random pretty stuff – clothes, shoes – and posted it to an online shopping group on Facebook that’s women only. And what do you know! I received more inbox messages and comments on the post than I ever have. Women just went gaga over it and want one of everything. This despite explaining I wasn’t a seller. These were women outside Lahore especially from Karachi. So I know there is a market. I buy cheap stuff and sell at big profits. Also, since my family lives in Peshawar and I visit regularly I can exploit the famous cloth market, Shafi Market. And not to forget, Karkhano (literally “factories”) where you can buy all sorts of counterfeit stuff ranging from YSL and Chanel to Nestle and Godiva. Also, there is a special market there called Sitara Market (Star Market) where they sell stolen stuff from UN forces. Yeah, you read that right. ROFL. So all kinds of fancy night-vision binoculars, swiss knives, weird packaged food, tents … you name it … are available. I can sell it all over Pakistan and make some good money.

3. Food Truck. Best idea ever. Me and my friend came up with it a-la Chef, the movie. So Pakistani folks are crazy over food. At least the ones I know are. Especially when it’s breakfast or tea time. So we thought we would get a small food truck, put an average chef on it, and travel through the country selling food. Now we both love to travel but traveling domestic in Pakistan is going to be hard because of security and all. But we can travel wherever the motorway goes. Get a license to park at the roadside rest areas. Menu would include all kinds of spicy chaats, biryani, lassi, lemonade, samosay and pakoray, and typical Pakistani tea (Lipton Yellow Label). For dessert, we can serve all kinds of mithai (sweetmeat), shahi tukray (my personal fav), and kheer (rice pudding). Yum! It will be so much fun. I can’t wait to start this.

OK byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Either Help Me or Shut Up

I am sick and tired of people, especially young kids from KPK, asking me why I don’t work in my own province. Never mind work, why I don’t even attend any events I am invited to in Peshawar. Maybe this will help you all.


Did you see what happened to that teenage girl? I am not pro or anti Malala. She is a kid. And what happened to her was horrifying. But the moment she gets hit and media gets into a frenzy over it and take her to the UK all hell breaks lose. I have never read more disgusting and abusive words being spoken for a little girl whose only fault was she was trying to tell the world about the situation in Swat Valley viz-a-viz girl education. Why did that happen? ‘Coz she was a girl and it was easy to malign her. Not only pushtuns, its a national phenomenon. I went on this trade mission to the US just recently. Some FB Page posted a picture of the whole delegation. There were 3 other women besides myself. Here are some of the comments that picture received:


Yes, I am not covering any names. It’s publicly available on the FB page so why should I trouble myself. And I don’t want to translate what’s written there. All I am saying is when you have people like that who in their right mind would want to work in such a public manner? Some very brave women still do and they don’t care but they have their families supporting them or they have broken away from their families. I don’t have either and also I don’t have the courage to go ahead and work tirelessly round the clock to make things better for everyone in whatever way I can and then be publicly abused and called names. And even if I had my family’s support I still wouldn’t do it.

This doesn’t mean I don’t want to work in KPK. I am going to but as Mufasa said in Lion King, “Being brave does not mean you go looking for trouble”. I am gonna do what I need to do and find a way where people won’t be able to point fingers. I already am. But doesn’t mean I am very public with it. I started a small company called The Digital League about a year ago. It has its office in Basecamp Peshawar. It employs a few local boys and also supports the co-working space. I am always open for mentoring and advise to anyone anywhere. Also, with respect to speaking engagements, if a university or college invites me for a session I will be more than happy to attend. I am doing what I can to bring WDL to KPK but it doesn’t mean I have to be the face of it – I have other plans.

If you ask me what is more important to me riches and success or honor … I will always go with honor. Call me old school, coward, hypocrite … but that’s how it is. And to those in KPK and from KPK raising fingers, please do tell how many of you have wives, sisters, daughters working in the development sector leading public lives and interacting with 100s of men on a daily basis in KP? You understand our culture better but you still point fingers – please do come up with some examples now.



Harsh Reality

Just received this message on Facebook and I feel it merits a blog post.

Judgmental much 1

Judgmental much

First line of second image roughly translates into, “It’s people like you who can’t handle the honor Allah bestows on them.

I am not sure what to think of it. Don’t know this guy at all. He added me on FB and I accepted the friend request. As I have done with countless others. That’s all. Also, I don’t know the guy he asked me to reach recommend him to. He also just happens to be on my FB. Are people really naive enough to think that just because someone is a part of your social media network you are actually buddies? And then he goes on to insult me saying there is something wrong with my family background and I am putting obstacles in other people’s way to success!!!!

Sighhhh … this is JUST ONE of such examples. And I am choosing to talk about it because I need my FB/Twitter/LI/Pinterest/SoundCloud ‘friends’ to understand unless we talk on quite a regular basis and know each other professionally I am sorry but I can’t recommend you for a job. Can’t walk up to a friend and say “Hey, this stranger approached me and he wants a job. Give it to him.”

Also, my Gmail and FB ‘Other’ folder is chock full. I try respond to as many people as I can if their message merits a reply but if I don’t see your email and I don’t respond, it’s nothing personal. I am a wife, a mother, a businesswoman and a very faulty human being – some times I just don’t have the time or energy.

On another note, I am very open on social media. I talk about fun, mundane every day stuff instead of posts about how wonderful I am and how busy I am with my work. It helps me relax and keeps me grounded. But at the same time if you are going to come up with negative comments like, “Oh, you should clearly mention a job that’s advertised by WDL is for women only”, and start a solo thread of comments don’t expect me to be good-natured about it. It’s WOMEN’S Digital League – how much more clarity do you need?




Short and sweet. 

Took the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Totally nailed it. Would post the video here but I haven’t completely lots it YET so I won’t. 

Was also asked to name my 10 fav books. This I can certainly share. And NO, it does not feature anything by Steve Jobs or Malcolm Gladwell or Napoleon Hill. 

1. All of Enid Blyton. Specially partial to ‘Naughtiest Girl in School’ and ‘Magic Faraway Tree’ series. Famous Five and the Seven Find-Outers are a very close second. Envied Fatty for having his own shed and all those cool disguises.
2. Harry Potter series. Had the privilege of reading the first print and also at a time when it wasn’t the craze it became later. No shame in admitting I was in college at the time and the Prisoner of Azkaban scared the hell out of me.
3. Gone with the Wind. Read the book some gazillion times and can read it another gazillion times. Totally in love with Rhett and more so with the feisty Scarlett O’Hara. Can relate to the pre-Civil War American society’s treatment of women. The sequel ‘Scarlett’ saved me from committing suicide over Rhett’s abandonment of Scarlett.
4. The Anne of Green Gables Series. The first 3 books are my fav. Still lack the courage to read beyond Anne’s House of Dreams.
5. Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Fin.
6. Tess of the D’Urbevilles. Although if you ask me for details I may not know them. But this was when I really understood why Hardy is such a celebrated writer.
7. The Scarlet Letter by Hawthorne This hit a chord. One of the most touching, heart-rending books ever written.
8. The Book Thief. A book I read recently. It made me LOL and cry bitter tears too. I know if my grandkids take literature in college they will have this on their course.
9. A Thousand Splendid Suns. Even though Kite Runner is the more famous book, I like this much better.
10. Samarkand. Amin Maalouf is a genius.

Leaving you with some poetry by Omar Khayyam: 

Those whom we meet in churches, divinity colleges or temples
Desire heaven and fear hell;
But he who has read the secrets of the Divine,
Does not give a moment’s thought to such matters. 

OK byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee