Being Skinny Isn’t Going to Make Me Happy

All my life I wanted to live in a city with traffic lights. And then I lived in a city with traffic lights.

All my life I wanted to live in a double-storey house and have a room of my own on the upper floor. And then I got to live in such a house and got the best room.

Needed best friends closer than family. Check.

Wanted to do post-grad studies. check.

Have a son and a daughter. check

Have a career. check

Dear God, how ecstatic would I be if I ever got to travel abroad. On my own. Without owing money to anyone. several times CHECK

OMG if I ever got famous and WDL was talked about in foreign magazines and on blogs etc? believe it or not but it happened.

Today I have everything I once dreamed of but NEVER thought I’d ever have. And you know I am still not happy. Something inside of me won’t let me be happy. Or maybe, just maybe, I am not at peace with myself. I will always find something to not be happy about in the thousands of things that I should be happy about. For instance, I work with thousands of women. Most love me and it’s such a blissful feeling. But I obsess over the 1 or 2 that somehow are not happy with me, the programs I run, support I provide. That’s the person I am. Focusing on the negative. Just can’t fathom it. Why would I do that?

For example, I have caught myself many times over the past year telling myself I would be perfectly happy if I would just lose all this extra weight. And just now going through my old Facebook posts I was reminded of a time when I was skinny. And I was miserable. Because I had found, once again, something to be miserable about.

As I sit here in my PJs feeling uncomfortably tight around the middle and trying not to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror because I look hideous I am trying to tell myself to focus on the positive.

Plus, had an awesome wedding in Peshawar. Little Almost-bro got married. Both BFFs were here and we had a ball. Have a fantastic event coming up at Basecamp Peshawar to ring in the new year. Some very exciting collaborations.

OK byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee